uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
