i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i love accidental penises.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
