we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
