I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
