i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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