he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
