Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
