Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
