She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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