i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can't motorboat a personality
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
