He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
as a side note pls kill me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
