I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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