i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
