He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
