sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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