Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
