Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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