Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
