Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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