i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
