I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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