People in love make me want to vomit
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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