Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
