Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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