I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
