i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
