So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
