Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
