this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
