yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
