There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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