Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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