Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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