dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
