i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
