I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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