Ambien. No doubt about it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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