3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
