My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
time to smoke my breakfast
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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