You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
