We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
