it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
