please come you make the beer taste better
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
