Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
