i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
