I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
