I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
