I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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