I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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