at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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