The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
