he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
