What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
