Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
