He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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