PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
