i will never coherently bang her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
