When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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