Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
