i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
