I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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